Here are some things that I've wished I could say to various roommates, past and present:
Could you please clean up after your margarita parties? I hate the sticky pink stuff all over everything the next morning.
Maybe wash the dishes once in a while.
Please wash the dishes a little less often.
Learn to live within your means!
You could do so much better than that guy.
How come *I* can't have that guy?
You know what your problem is? You don't care as much about other people as you do about yourself.
I hate your freaking soap operas. No one really acts like that.
Seriously, the way you leave hair all over the bathroom floor makes me late to work because I'm obsessive compulsive about where I put my wet feet after a shower. How hard is it to clean up your own damn hair?
I am NOT your mother.
You are not my mother.
Why can't you think more like I think?
Please never try to fry chicken wings again. I like my apartments not burnt down.
I love you.