Sunday, July 24, 2005

curious

guess what! a guy likes me! and it's appropriate! two other males have ever actually shown interest in me in my entire life. the first was seventeen when i was fifteen (and not allowed to date). he spoke barely any english, and kept emailing me, asking me to go to "a restaurant to eat fine food." it felt good to know that he was interested, but i was not yet ready. the second one has been sniffing around me (figuratively, not literally) for the past six months or so. he is 15 years my senior, divorced, and amazingly dorky and short. it creeps me out that he is so persistently trying to get at a girl who is so much younger, taller and heavier than him. this guy that is currently interested in me is only about 4 years older than me, and only a little dorky. he's friendly, and funny, and all that stuff that makes you like a guy.

however. i'm not terribly interested in him, except that he's interested in me. cause, you know, i've never had any kind of relationship before, so it feels good to be noticed and liked. i love the feeling of knowing that someone thinks i'm special. but at the same time, i feel like being receptive would be so very selfish of me. partially because i don't think we are particularly good for each other in terms of personality or mental processes (read: he's not quite as smart as me), but mainly because i'm going to be leaving town in a month, so it's like openly acknowledging the fact that i have no faith in any type of relationship we could have.

my question: should i encourage him and act like i want him in order to make myself feel good and get some practice at having a boyfriend, or should i discourage his efforts in order to keep from hurting him later on? it seems like i always do the nobler thing when given a choice like this, but it also seems that my life hasn't been very fun up to this point. perhaps i should indulge in a little selfishness now that i have the opportunity...

1 comment:

Uffish Thought said...

Okay. I need a name.

Also, how are you judging his intellegence? Don't be too sure, too early.

I vote for telling him your situation- leaving soon, etc, and not deciding his mental capacities right away, and let him make his own choice. IF he still wants to act all buddy-buddy like, you can go with it if you want to, too, and you don't get yourself hurt. And if he doesn't, or you don't want to, then don't. Just friends isn't always bad.