Me: Hair, be straight.
My hair: No thanks.
Me: Hair, be straight. I will turn up my straightener to eleven.
My hair: I prefer to be snarly.
Me: How about if I put some hair goop in?
My hair: How about if I turn into a triangle? I can do that real good.
Me: Please, hair! I beg you, be straight!
My hair: What's in it for me?
Me: I'll put more hair goop in and run my fingers through you! I will love you forever!
My hair: Are you sure you don't want one side wavy and the other side stringy?
Me: Yeah, I'm sure.
My hair: How about this: I'll pretend to be straight now, but throughout the day I will gradually poof into a triangle again.
Me: I'll take it!