Predictions on what 19 ACT-takers will learn in college

• You're going to learn that you need to make better friends and be careful with your money.
• You're going to learn that the university is kind of hard and maybe you should've started at a community college.
• You're going to learn that the community college is kind of hard and maybe you'll just go to beauty school. Do beauty schools have sororities?
• You're going to learn that Engineering is pretty great, but it doesn't leave you much time for drinking.
• You're going to learn that your personality alone isn't going to cut it anymore. But you'll also learn that you're smarter than you think.
• You're going to learn that your chosen major will determine whether you have friends for the next 5 years.
• You're going to learn that you're smarter than all the other girls in the sorority, but you won't know what to do with yourself without it, so you'll stay.
• You're going to learn that you'll be the exact same person you were in high school, only older. This is not a bad thing.
• You're going to learn that Insect Science is awesome, even though it's full of nerds. You like nerds even though you're not one of them.
• You're going to learn that because you're blessed with good genes and good jeans, you will accidentally surround yourself with shallow people and you'll dumb yourself down for them without even realizing it.
• You're going to learn that no matter what major you choose (and you will try most of them), you'll be dissatisfied and disillusioned. Your hygiene will deteriorate and you will become that creepy grad student in the Philosophy department that never finishes his thesis.
• Your suspicions about the way the world works, and what your place is in it, will be confirmed. You'll graduate in four and a half years, join the air force as an engineer, and have a blonde wife and three beautiful children to celebrate your 30th birthday with.
• You're going to learn that you're not really passionate about anything, but you'll graduate anyway because your parents told you to. You'll become an accountant.
• You're going to learn that you are actually very politically minded, and your parents shouldn't be surprised when you get arrested at a rally that gets out of hand.
• You're going to learn that no matter what your GPA, your extensive community service, and no matter how good your times, no one will know your name for being on the swim team.
• You're going to learn how to convincingly lie about how you spend your nights. Energy drinks taste horrible but they really help you cram in hours of video games studying.
• You're going to learn that college really isn't as hard as you've been led to believe, but it's ok- there's a lot of English Literature classes to fill up your time.
• You're going to learn that, just like in high school, your protestant work ethic and above-average IQ will be exploited by your classmates. You'll learn this again in the "working world" after you graduate.
• You're going to learn that the problem with racism isn't persecution so much as it is the outrageous expectations put on your academic and athletic career, and even social life, based on ignorance and reliance on stereotyping.